Personal Growth / Win unfairly in life

10 MUST know ways to win “unfairly” in life by KNOWING HOW TO DEAL WITH DIFFICULT PEOPLE


Do you want to win in life?
Why do some folks seem to win in life always and are better at everything they do? Does it seem unfair to you?

I use the terms “unfairly” on purpose. These folks that win consistently have the tools and resources to win, hence my use of the term “unfairly”.

In life, we come across all types of people. Fortunately for most of us, most of the folks that we come across are folks that are not that difficult to deal with. Life is not a bed of roses for most of us. As such, we have no choice but to deal with difficult people. To win in life, you need to be able to deal with all sorts of folks, including the difficult people.

See other gems to win in life

Before I go into our discussion on how to deal with difficult people, I want you to be aware that I have put together a collection of other videos and blogs of “must know” skills and attributes that are required to win “unfairly” in life.

You can find many other collection of  “gems” like this  to help you win “unfairly” in life by clicking on my website at The Win Unfairly Blog or on my Win Unfairly YouTube Channel.

Who are these difficult people?
So back to our discussion on how we do we deal with difficult people. First, let’s have a common understanding of what I mean by  “difficult” people. Difficult people are normally people with certain personality traits and emotional characteristics that makes it difficult for us communicate effectively with them.

Who am I?
connect the dots winunfairly john lincoln 226x300 - 10 MUST know ways to win “unfairly” in life by KNOWING HOW TO DEAL WITH DIFFICULT PEOPLEBy now you might be wondering who am I. First a few words about myself – My name is John Lincoln and I am the author of a book called “Connect the dots” – a playbook to help you connect to your customers and profits. If you are interested, you can buy the book online at Amazon – here is the link to buy my book,  “connect the dots” .

You can also find out more about me at my blog more about me  or on LinkedIn at

Everyone needs to win in life!
So we are back to the important topic of dealing with difficult people and to win “unfairly” and succeed in life.

Whether you are an individual, a small business or a large corporate employee, this short blog and video will guide you through and enable you to deal with all sorts of difficult people that you might come across in your life.  Having the ability to deal with difficult people is a “MUST HAVE” skill to win “unfairly” in life.

The 4 different types of difficult people
Firstly, let’s have a common understanding of who this difficult people are. I would categorize difficult folks into 4 clusters or segments – The clustering or grouping that I have done here is not a mutually exclusive or completely exhaustive list.

  • “The smart Alecs” or “the know it alls” – the smart Alec lot are the  “know it alls” who think they are better than you. These folks have blown up egos and have an answer for every thing. They always try to put you down or impress you by comparing what they have or know or by dropping names.
  • “ The negative Normans” – this second group will always will complain, are negative and do not have a positive thing to say about anything or anybody. These folks can be a real drain on your enthusiasm and energy.
  • “The push over Pattys (or Patricks)” – these are the passive yes men or women who never engage or disagree. They do not have an opinion nor do they contribute anything meaningful in any discussions. Their passiveness can cause anyone, even a highly engaged and enthusiastic person to disengage.
  • “The explosive Eddies (or Evelyns)” – these are the bossy and pushy sort of folks who walk around with a short fuse and ready to explode at any one or anything that disagrees or is disagreeable to them.

Of course there are many other types of difficult people that we all  might come across in different circumstances. The above 4 clusters are just a guide to illustrate to you what I mean by difficult people.

Do we avoid difficult people?
So how do we deal with these difficult folks? Do we avoid them? Do we accost them? Do we challenge them?

This is how you handle them. Here are the top 10 skills, behaviors and tools to apply to handle the difficult people in your life so you can win “unfairly” in life.

As I often say, these skills, behaviors and tools can be applied in your personal, professional and or business situations. Some of these might seem too basic or obvious to you. Despite it being obvious, many folks ignore these simple skills, traits and behaviors.

10 MUST know ways to win “unfairly” in life by KNOWING HOW TO DEAL WITH DIFFICULT PEOPLE

Here you go:

  1. Listen actively – I don’t mean to repeat this in most of my videos and blogs. This is an important skill to deal with difficult people. We should listen more than we speak – Most of us don’t realize that listening is not the same as hearing. Listening conveys to the difficult person that you are respecting them and that you are actually trying to address their issue or concern. Most of us don’t listen and tend to think about what we are going to say next. Remember that we have two ears and a mouth. So let’s just use a simple “rule of thumb” to listen 2 times more that we speak.
  2. Keep extra space between the difficult person and you – Avoid touching difficult people during a discussion with them. Although our normal instincts are to calm the other person down with a slight touch, it’s best to keep that extra space and avoid physical contact when dealing with difficult people.
  3. Be respectful – hold the discussion in a dignified manner and do not show any contempt or disdain to the difficult person.
  4. Have discussions in a public space – if possible, avoid meeting difficult people alone. The presence of other folks normally helps to damper intent of excessive behavior.
  5. Be assuring – saying that “I didn’t know this and I will fix this” or saying “I am sorry” will go a long way to appease difficult people.
  6. Be assertive – set the boundaries and don’t let the other person get away with untruthful or false assertions. Being assertive in a positive manner sets the baseline tone for the other person. This also indirectly conveys to them that they cannot get away with “just about anything” by being difficult.
  7. Don’t judge – have an open mind and don’t prejudge the person or the conclusions
  8. Don’t give ultimatums, threats, demands or even request compliance – needless to say, this will normally not help in any situation, but will be explosive when dealing with difficult people.
  9. Trust your instincts- if your guts or instincts tell you that the situation might be getting worse, it might be best to end the discussion sooner than you intended.
  10. Don’t avoid – last but not least, don’t avoid dealing with difficult people. To succeed in life, you need to be able to meet, communicate and handle any type of people no matter how difficult they are.

So there you have it. Now go out there and meet confidently and deal with any sort of person. It does not matter if some one is difficult to deal with or not. You now have learnt the 10 must have skills to deal with difficult people here.

Now go out and don’t avoid anyone and be a winner and win “unfairly” in life.

Don’t be defeated with difficult people

34 28 1024x684 - 10 MUST know ways to win “unfairly” in life by KNOWING HOW TO DEAL WITH DIFFICULT PEOPLE
Remember always that we CAN explain things to people but CANNOT make them comprehend it. Also, it is not difficult to know if some one is difficult or not. The signs of toxic behaviors are always there – we often ignore it at our own peril.

Now that you have the skills to deal with difficult people, you don’t have to avoid any one in life. Remember that only 2 kinds of people can in essence drain our energy – the ones that we love and the difficult folks. None of us want to avoid the ones we love. Now that you have the skills to deal with difficult folks, we don’t have to avoid any one. Meet these difficult folks head on and deal with the issue at hand.

So don’t be defeated with difficult people. Be a winner always. Go out and confidently win in any situation in life. Knowing how to deal with difficult people will certainly give you a head start and put you in an “unfair” advantage.

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How to win “unfairly” in life

A blog and video series to help you get the upper hand always

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