Are you a winner?
You have come to the right place as the ideas, thoughts, guidance, tools and skills outlined in this channel are not your run of the mill skills and tools the others are touting around. These are not taught in schools or universities. These are based on over 40 years of my actual global working experience. More on myself a bit later.
So why do some folks seem to win in life always and are better at everything they do? Does it seem unfair to you?
I use the terms “unfairly” on purpose. These folks that win consistently, have the tools and resources to win hence my use of the term “unfairly”.
Today, we are going to discuss a very important topic. I wish I had known this in my younger days. The topic is how we can detect or know if some one is trustworthy or not.
In this channel, there is another video on how to detect fake, sneaky or deceptive people and their tactics. There are overlaps between that video and this one. The main difference however is that in this one trustworthiness is determined over a longer period and for a longer engagement. Fake or sneaky behavior is at an instance or a shorter time frame and or could even be a single discussion.
My personal experience on trust
Before I begin, I want you to know that I have come across some folks who are totally untrustworthy and have resulted in me losing a lot of money and opportunities due to my engagement with these unscrupulous people.
To win in life, we need to know who we can trust or not. If we start trusting every one, we will potentially end up with huge financial and emotional losses from which we might never recover.
I had contemplated on writing this in a more positive tone as I believe that it’s always best to accentuate the positives in life.
However, in this particular video, I thought that I will not be doing anyone a service by just “beating around the bush” and not being direct about it, hence the potential negative nuances and tone in this video.
Imagine a world without trust
So why are we discussing about trust? Imagine a world without trust! Marriages, neighborhoods, businesses, and the world economy runs on trust. The difference between these institutions and us is that there are independent agents, laws, frameworks and tools to ensure that this trust is sacrosanct. When this trust is broken, the consequences are high for the one breaking it.
However, as individuals, we might not know how to determine if someone is trustworthy and we might not be lucky enough to have full recourse to recover our losses from an untrustworthy person.
To win in life we need to know who is trustworthy!
One of the hallmarks of being successful is to know and identify trustworthy folks with whom you can associate and move forward.
Whether you are an individual, a small business or a large corporate employee, this short video will give you an “unfair” advantage to “win unfairly” in life by having the tools and skills required to win and succeed in life.
Who am I?
By now you might be wondering who am I. First a few words about myself – My name is John Lincoln and I am the author of a book called “Connect the dots” – a playbook to help you connect to your customers and profits. If you are interested, you can buy the book online at Amazon – here is the link to buy my book, “connect the dots” .
You can also find out more about me at my website www.winunfairly.com or on LinkedIn at http://linkedin.com/in/johnlincoln
The top 10 skills, behaviors and tools to apply to know if some one is trustworthy or not!
So we are back to the important topic of determining if some one is trustworthy or not; an important skill to have to win “unfairly” and succeed in life.
Please remember that we need to know both – how to detect fake people and their tactics and we need to know if some one is trustworthy or not. These are important skills that are critical for us to succeed and win “unfairly” in life.
So here we go.
Here are the top 10 skills, behaviors and tools to apply to know if some one is trustworthy or not!
As I often say, these skills, behaviors and tools can be applied in your personal, professional and or business situations. Some of these might seem too basic or obvious to you. Despite it being obvious, many folks ignore these telltale signs to their own peril..
- Not owning up to their mistakes – We should never trust anyone who does not own up to their mistakes. No matter what the circumstances in your every day life is, whether you are at work, home or in a social setting, never trust a person whom you know for sure has done or committed some thing and has not owned up to it. I am not referring to major stuff here – I am referring to simple “every day life” stuff that we must admit to, if we have made a mistake or have offended some one.
- Who “look upwards” only – don’t trust anyone who is nice only to the perceived “higher ups” in life. I am sure we all have have come across many people who are just sucking up because of some ones perceived position or economic stature in life. It’s ok to be nice and friendly to everyone but it’s certainly not OK for some one to be nice only to the “higher ups” or to be friendly just because they think that they can get something out of you. Just know for sure that people like this will drop us in a heart beat when they perceive that we cannot do anything for them or help them any more. These are untrustworthy people and we should really watch out for ourselves from being used by folks like this.
- Who “sell you out” – we should never trust someone who has undermined us. People who undercut, sabotage or put us in a compromising situation are to be avoided at all costs. These folks are very conniving and dangerous and they are intimately aware that they are subverting and sabotaging us despite the damage it will do to us. Trust me. – there are a few amongst all of us.
- The “cold and calculating” types – Avoid people who cannot show empathy or compassion for their fellow beings. There are many selfish and self serving folks amongst us who just cannot put themselves in someone else’s shoes, and feel what the other person must be going through. These cold and calculating ones will only worry about themselves and do not care if there is an equitable outcome for all around us.
- The “victims” – avoid the consistent complainers, “drama queens”, and the perpetual victims. These folks go around life complaining and expect others to bear the blame or Get rid of folks like this in a your life. They serve no purpose and cannot be trusted.
- The “toxic attractors” – We all have come across folks, groups, companies or even some families where toxicity is the name of the game. People who enable, ignore and continually engage with folks who backbite, steal ideas, claim credit falsely and other toxic behaviors should never be trusted. We should not trust the enablers and the participants thriving in such an environment.
- “Shifty” body language and gestures – I would have to elaborate a bit more on this. First, please note that there are many aspects of body language and eye movements that are discussed in my previous video on “how to detect fake, sneaky or deceptive people and their tactics” . Body language and eye movements are often considered the telltale signs of deception. As a general rule of thumb, it’s always good to watch out for folks with shifty eyes, excessive touch and fake smiles. People tend to get shifty or moving when they have dishonorable intent. Untrustworthy folks are opportunistic and almost always have a dishonorable intent. So pay particular attention to shifty eyes, body movements and excessive touches from these folks. There are many so called experts postulating about specific eye movements and body language. There has been no empirical evidence to prove many of those assertions. The best proof is one where you are baselining of what body languages that are acceptable to you versus what some one else is telling you to look out for. A way to baseline and test this would be to have a discussion on any topic with some one you trust innately and with some one with whom you have your suspicions. The differences in their eye movement and body language will be so obvious to you. I am not discussing specifics here as culture, nuance, topic, personality difference and other factors do influence body language and eye movements. Therefore, baseline your points of reference before you pre conclude.
- No reciprocity or mutuality – I am sure that we all have come across folks who are not open or engaging even when we are having an open discussion. Untrustworthy folks are often evasive, will say less and will need to be prodded on to provide more information than what they have provided. An engagement or discussion with a person with dishonorable intent will normally show the evasive nature of the other person. We should not shy away from prodding and asking the required questions despite their evasiveness. Despite the obvious evasiveness, many folks often ignore and move on in a business or relationship with someone who has not been so forthcoming.
- Inconsistent behavior – in life, we come across many nice people. However, we must be aware that there are the great pretenders. These pretenders put on a show of grace and niceness that will overwhelm and melt your heart.
- The “over promisers” – last but not least, do not trust folks who don’t deliver on their commitments. It is normally obvious for most of us not to trust some one who has not delivered on over promised big commitments. Here I am referring even to the little commitments that people break. In life, it’s a simple rule of thumb to always “under promise and over deliver”. Don’t trust the ones who “over promise and under deliver”.