Leadership & Management / Personal Growth / Win unfairly in life

10 “unfair” ways to win in life by MASTERING THE ART OF COMMUNICATIONS – Part 1

10 unfair ways to win in life by MASTERING THE ART OF COMMUNICATIONS – Part 1

Are you a winner?

Why do some folks seem to win in life always and are better at everything they do? Does it seem unfair to you?
I use the terms “unfairly” on purpose. These folks that win consistently have the tools and resources to win, hence I use the the term “unfairly”.

Before I begin, please note that this is a continuation of my previous blogs and videos with about more than 100 traits, skills, attributes and aspects on how to win “unfairly” in life.

You can find many other rare collection of “gems” to help you win “unfairly” in life by clicking on my website at Win or on my Win Unfairly You Tube Channel.

Given the criticality and importance of the next skill to win “unfairly” in life, I will be sharing with you my ideas and thoughts on these in 2 separate blogs/videos.

In the first part of this blog/video, I will share with you a very important skill that is a MUST to master to succeed and win “unfairly” in life. This important skill that I am referring to is “communications”.

Most people assume that they know what communications really mean. The multiple and varying complexities of us as humans means that there is more to communications than that meets the eye.

To master effective communications skills to win “unfairly” in life, we must FIRST understand the intricacies and complexities of communications.  Due to these extreme complexities, intricacies and varying permutations, it  will normally take an average person a lifetime to understand what effective communications to win “unfairly” in life means – unless of course that person had structured and deliberate professional training in this important field.

Whether you are an individual, a small business or a large corporate employee, this short video will first guide you through and enable you to understand the intricacies and complexities of communications to win “unfairly” in life.

Who am I?

connect the dots winunfairly john lincoln 226x300 - 10 “unfair” ways to win in life by MASTERING THE ART OF COMMUNICATIONS – Part 1First a few words about myself – My name is John Lincoln and I am the author of a book called “Connect the dots” – a playbook to help you connect to your customers and profits. If you are interested, you can buy the book online at Amazon – here is the link to buy  “connect the dots”

I have hired and led commercial teams of over 1,000+ people just like you, and have applied understanding these complexities and intricacies in human communications to beat my competition in many countries. I have also applied these knowledge and skills in dealing with employees, customers, suppliers, vendors, competitors, partners and even in my personal relationships.

Along the way, I was blessed to live, work and run or contributed significantly to run billion dollar businesses with major brands in the USA, Japan, UK, India, Malaysia, UAE (Dubai), Saudi Arabia, Brazil and Thailand.

You can find out more about me at my website  about me  Or on LinkedIn at

To win in life, you need to understand the complexities of communications

So we are back to the important topic of understanding the intricacies and complexities of human communications. You MUST have a complete understanding of these complexities and intricacies to acquire  effective communications skills to navigate and win “unfairly” and succeed in life.

So what are these complexities and intricacies in communications that we need to know and understand to win “unfairly”?

As we become more successful and engage with varying hierarchies or levels and cultures, we will often “bang our head” against the wall trying to fathom as to why some folks just don’t  “get”us?

Do you know that most people just react by NOT engaging further and in all probability leaving “money” on the table. The real winners have the unfair tools to understand the complexities and behaviors to enable one to respond and communicate appropriately.

Before we start, although understanding these broad complexities and intricacies in communications outlined in this video should hold you in good stead in most situations and give you the upper hand to win “unfairly”, be aware that there are many nuances and cultural aspects of communications that just cannot be fully  covered here.

Here are the top 10 intricacies and complexities in communications that you should know. Again, knowing these skills and observations can be applied in your personal, professional and or business situations.

  1. What you wanted to say – for effective verbal communications, we normally set out with an intent or an objective to say some thing.
  2. What we actually said – When we communicate verbally, what we actually said could be so different to what we intended.
  3. What we thought what we said – when we communicate verbally, what we we thought we communicated could be so different than what we actually communicated or what we intended to communicate.
  4. What the other person wanted to hear – When we verbally communicate, we should be aware that what we wanted the other person to hear could so different to what they expected to hear.
  5. What the other person heard – We should also be aware that the other person probably heard something totally different from what we thought  or expected the other person to hear.
  6. What we thought the other person heard – to add to this exacerbated confusion, we probably walk away thinking (falsely, I would add ), that the other person heard what we wanted that person to hear.
  7. Further, We need to recognize the distinct difference between regular verbal communications and the story telling type of When some one communicates in a story telling way, be aware that the story telling communications might be a crucial way to help the party to construct common meanings. The frequency, tone and strength of these story telling communications are implicitly intended to convey strong commitments. If the quality of the story telling is too good, you might end up securing or alternatively investing more funding than you originally intended. Recognizing when it is a story telling communications and knowing that it is intended to gain and construct common meanings is critically important for you to win.
  8. Another important type of communications gang we need to recognize is when some one is in a “crucial communications” mode. This is critically important as theses sort of communications are lengthy and often planned in advance. In crucial communications, the opinions vary, the stakes are high and the emotions higher. Remember that when the stakes are high, folks tend to get rigid and inflexible. Other than the obvious part of requiring one to be flexible, another important tool to apply when you are in a crucial communications mode is the use of the word “and” instead of “but”.
  9. We all know that written communications are essential. Always remember what Thomas Jefferson said of writing – “Don’t use two words when one will do.” Also note that if you are not well versed in the art of writing, ensure that your writings are checked and edited by some one who is better skilled at this than you. The way a person offers many important clues on many aspects of that person. In other words, If you cannot write well, don’t write it!
  10. In any communications, what is more important is what we did not say. Research has shown that 55% of our communications effectiveness comes from non verbal communications cues like facial expressions, tone, intonation, body language, pace and volume of our speech. We can send silent messages without saying a word. A change in our facial expression not only indicates a change in emotional state but in fact can change our emotional state itself.

So the next time when we walk into an important meeting, remember to walk confidently and with a smile. Forcing a smile or feigning confidence by itself often reduces the stress levels.

To win in life, body language matters

To win in life body language matters - 10 “unfair” ways to win in life by MASTERING THE ART OF COMMUNICATIONS – Part 1

Now we know that to be effective communicators, we not only need to understand the intricacies and complexities of what we we said or wanted the other person to hear, but also understand the type of communications and also to ensure that we align our words with our appearance, intonation and body language.

So we must make sure that we don’t walk in a meeting blinking, shifting our weight and shrugging. This could be misconstrued for something else that we don’t want to be misunderstood for. Instead, we should  walk in confidently with a smile. It usually goes a long way.

Now you can win and succeed in life!

So there you have it. Now we know the complexities, intricacies and permutations that we must consider. However, here is a word of caution. Before we apply this knowledge, it is ALWAYS important that we take into account context, culture, language, ethnicity, communications style and personality differences.

This blog and video is intended to guide us through to understand the complexities and intricacies of communications. By knowing these, we can now move on to learn how to communicate effectively to win “unfairly” in out life.

So as the saying goes that when people talk, listen completely and to note that the most important thing in communications is what is not being said. Remember the old saying “ wise men speak when they have something to say; fools because they have to say something!

So don’t be defeated. Be a winner always. Go out and confidently win in any situation in life. Knowing these skills and tools will certainly give you a head start and put you in an “unfair” advantage.

If you liked what you saw or if you think your team, customers, employees, friends, family or  others can benefit from this.
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